Mojo
by Alania Black
Summary: November Challenge Month 5: Sirius loses his Mojo.


Last year it was The Official Unwritten Slash Month, this year it's the Official Challenge Month. The similarities? A month of fics by one author. The difference? This time, YOU are in control.

Each fic will be written based on a challenge. This can be any type of challenge, from a single word to a full-blown challenge. The rules are simple, they must be Harry Potter and they must be slash. So get involved, get reviewing and together we'll make November the Challenge Month.

(Challenges can be submitted either via Reviews or PMs. If your submission is anonymous, please leave an email address so I can contact you if I chose to write your fic, this address will also be kept private.)

Challenge: "Sirius loses his Mojo" from FangQueen13.

A/N. I have three apologies: Firstly, for any mistakes. It is 3am, and I'm not bothering to Beta. If you want to, go ahead, make my day. Secondly, I know the fic's a complete farce. It's supposed to be, my hamster just died, I'm ill and slightly delerious and facing the daunting prospect of catching up on 5 fics as well as doing tommorrows. Sue me. Thirdly, this is 5 days late (so far…). I have said it, so I want no emails or reviews telling me this. My week so far has been one long disaster.

Mojo.

"Remus!" Sirius yelled, bursting into the Dorm room. "Remus! I've lost my Mojo!"

"… You what?"

"I lost my MOJO! My… my IT… the thing that makes me Sirius Black, the most charming, attractive and best man in the whole of Hogwarts. I lost it! I no longer have my Mojo!"

"And what do you want me to do about it?" Remus asked dryly, returning his attention to his book. That was no longer in front of him. "Sirius! I need to study, there's a pop quiz coming up in Potions!"

"I don't care. See what I mean, I can't even hold your attention!"

"Uh, Sirius… You never could."

"I can't even get _you_ to look at me and think "woof". I can't even get _Peter_ to look at me like that!"

"… But we're boys."

"EXACTLY! That's exactly what I mean! A Mojo should work on boys _and_ girls, but it only worked on girls, and once I tried to make it work on a boy, I failed miserably, and it won't work on girls anymore either!"

"You… Tried to make your Mojo work on a guy?"

"Yes!"

"Which guy?"

"… Paul."

"Paul. Wait, Paul as in Paul Wetherby, the most attractive, intelligent and all around most desireable man in the whole of Ravenclaw? PAUL?!"

"… Yeah, him."

"But he's a nerd. He even wears glasses. You said you hated glasses."

"No, I said I hated _your_ glasses. And he's still hot, even if his best form of workout is lifting books to the top shelf on the Library."

"He got you into a Library?" Remus asked faintly.

"So have you."

"But I'm not an attractive, intelligent, _nerdy_ Ravenclaw who you apparently have the hots for! I'm a boring, admittedly slightly more intelligent Gryffindor who has to blackmail you to get you into the Library and even then you usually just sit there and throw spit balls at Madame Pince when she isn't looking."

"That's not the point. The point is, _I've lost my Mojo_!"

"Yeah," Remus murmured, feeling slightly hurt that Sirius didn't speak up against his self-description. Even if it was true, Sirius was usually good for a bit of ego-boosting. "That's a very important point."

"Yes, important. Prominient. Imminent."

"Imminent?" Remus choked, raising an eyebrow in silent laughter. Sirius' eyes narrowed, making them seem darked.

"_Very_ imminent." He intoned huskily. Remus flushed, realising Sirius' joke and finding his own feelings becoming "imminent".

"So what did you want me to do about it?"

"I need my Mojo back."

"So?"

"To get my Mojo back, I have to _use_ it. Show it it's still needed. Cared for. Useful."

"Are we talking about a Mojo or a woman here, Sirius?" Remus groused. Sirius laughed.

"My Mojo needs to be treated like the finest lady in the whole of England -."

"We're in Scotland."

"It must be cared for, wined, dined, _seduced_. It _is_ my most useful asset. Without it I would surely have died of boredom or been forced to break my wrists to alleviate the terrors of hairy palms, blindness and friction burns in _very_ painful places!" Remus shook his head despairingly.

"And you need me for?" Remus prompted.

"I need you to be my… use… for my Mojo!"

"You need me to what?" Remus asked, completely confused by Sirius' words. Sirius shook his head and, with a muttered, "I give up", he pounced on Remus and kissed him senseless.

Remus spluttered and pushed Sirius away.

"Sirius! I will not be some test run to get you back in the saddle just because your first attempt to seduce a guy didn't go as planned!" He cried indignantly, trying to mask his hurt.

"You kissed me back."

"That's not the point!"

"Then what is the point? Oh, I get it! It's because I'm just..."

"Just using me in a hopeless and completely selfish, immature attempt to get your Mojo back up to full speed."

"So if I was, hypothetically, kissing you because I, hypothetically, of course, happened to quite like you and when I was kissing a certain nameless, very attractive Ravenclaw, your face kept coming into my head…"

"Hypothetically?"

"Purely, of course."

"Well, then, hypothetically I'd say come over here and see if I'm anywhere near a match for a certain Ravenclaw, and proceed to shag you into next Wednesday. Or probably only next Sunday since I don't have that much experience…"

"Yes!"

"But, that's just hypothetical. So I'll get back to my studying." Remus took the book back from Sirius, not even looking at the pages as he watched Sirius splutter indignantly beside him.

"Well… Well…"

"Is where people find their water, yes."

"Smarty pants."

"You know you want it." Remus drawled in a fake seductive tone.

"Oh yes, more than anything." Sirius growled.

"But that's just hypothetical."

"What if it wasn't?"

"Wasn't what?"

"Hypothetical!"

"What wasn't hypothetical?"

"My crush on you!" Sirius yelled, exasperated.

"You have a crush on me?"

"Oh for Merlin's Beard, yes, alright, I have a crush on you!"

"Well then, why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Remus murmured, tossing the book aside and kissing Sirius thoroughly.

A/N I own nothing. Not even a hamster any more. sniffles So this is for you, in loving memory of Draco. (My hamster, not the character. He's fine, being lovingly tortured by Harry in the basement as we speak.)


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